My goodness, I can relate and understand how easy it is to remain a victim. Some parts of life are so very difficult, and you get so entangled with other people that it seems absolutely impossible to change things to make life better for yourself. Sacrificing yourself for others can be part of it, but there is also how you are benefiting from remaining in the problem. Is what you are getting out of remaining a victim worth the suffering? Some day you will say no. The last straw might be the physical deterioration of your body, or it might be the mental hardship, but some day, you will choose YOU. It was never about the other person. It was about YOUR self-worth and YOUR life. And you will see that you never really were the victim at all. It just seemed like that. I'm not saying it will be easy. It will involve you taking a step beyond fear. It will take getting out of your comfort zone. It will take courage and finally getting to the point where you NEED to do this for you. In the end, I CAN tell you it will be worth it. Choosing YOU always is.
Do you feel worn out?
I don’t like to wear things out. I like to keep things good. But life just wears things out. Including myself. There’s so much maintenance about living. So much work to stay hydrated and fed and warm and clean. Never mind trying to get along with everyone. Being patient with yourself while recovering and healing from hard things is sometimes the only thing you can do. When you feel better, meeting basic needs doesn’t seem so insurmountable. Until then, be easy on yourself. Meet yourself where you are, not from where you wish you were. If surviving is all you can do, that is enough. 💔👉❤️
Looking in the Mirror
Earlier today, I was thinking about how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror. I suspect it is quite likely that this eagle sees its reflection as a possible enemy. But in our eyes, an eagle is a majestic, empowered being, symbolic of freedom.
When we look in the mirror, do we see and criticize our reflection? Do we treat ourselves like adversaries rather than allies? Do we focus on the flaws, aging, and the mistakes we’ve made? What words are we thinking about ourselves?
How much better would it be to have compassion and love toward who we see in the mirror. To focus on our strengths. To forgive our past. To love ourselves, as we are now. To find the spark in our eyes, and the depth of our souls. To symbolically reach out and gently take our own hand as we step into the future.
Sometimes surviving is all about taking the next best step. We have it in us to keep going.
Need to Recover From A Covert Narcissist?
Covert narcissism, a subtler manifestation of narcissistic personality traits, often eludes immediate recognition. In this post, we'll explore the description of covert narcissists, the impact they can have on individuals, the challenges of leaving such a relationship, and crucial steps for recovery.
I. Description of a Covert Narcissist:
Grandiosity: Covert narcissists may possess an internal sense of superiority and entitlement, though not always obvious to others.
Attention-Seeking: They may crave admiration and validation, but do so more subtly, seeking attention through self-pity or playing the victim.
Lack of Empathy: Covert narcissists often struggle with empathy, finding it difficult to understand or connect with others' emotions.
Manipulative Behavior: They may engage in subtle manipulation, using passive-aggressive tactics or emotional manipulation to control situations or people.
Fragile Self-Esteem: Despite their outward appearance, covert narcissists often harbor deep insecurities and have a fragile self-esteem.
Victim Mentality: They might adopt a victim mentality, portraying themselves as suffering unjustly to gain sympathy and support.
Difficulty Handling Criticism: Covert narcissists may react strongly to criticism, taking it personally and responding with defensiveness or withdrawal.
Envy of Others: They may harbor envy of others and be resentful of perceived successes, feeling a sense of entitlement to what others have.
Superficial Charm: While they may not display overt arrogance, covert narcissists can be charming on the surface, hiding their true motives.
Difficulty in Maintaining Relationships: Building and maintaining genuine relationships can be challenging for covert narcissists due to their self-centered tendencies.
II. The Covert Narcissist’s Impact on Your Personal Experiences:
- Exploitative Behavior: Covert narcissists often attract individuals who are empathetic, nurturing, and supportive. The unsuspecting partner may be drawn to the narcissist's initial charm, intelligence, or seemingly vulnerable demeanor.
- Desire to Fix: People attracted to covert narcissists often possess a strong desire to help or fix others, and they may initially find the covert narcissist’s apparent humility appealing.
- Emotional Exhaustion: The empathetic partner may find themselves in a draining dynamic, constantly trying to meet the covert narcissist's unspoken expectations.
- Psychological Turmoil: Covert narcissists employ manipulative tactics that induce self-doubt, fostering confusion, and a persistent questioning of one’s perceptions, choices, and self-worth within the relationship.
- Imbalance in Relationships: Power imbalances and emotional manipulation can lead to a sense of inadequacy and an inability to fulfill the narcissist's ever-shifting needs.
- Isolation: Covert narcissists may strategically isolate their victims, creating dependency and making it challenging for the partner to seek external support.
- Loss of Self-Identity: Individuals involved with covert narcissists may experience a gradual erosion of their own identity as they prioritize the needs and demands of the narcissist.
III. Leaving a Covert Narcissist:
- Psychological Hold: Breaking free from a covert narcissist can be complicated due to the psychological hold they establish over their victims.
- Fear and Guilt: Victims may grapple with fear of retaliation and guilt for leaving, emotions manipulated and exacerbated by the narcissist.
- Gaslighting: A psychological manipulation tactic where an individual deliberately instills doubt or confusion in a target, causing them to question their memory, perception, or sanity. This insidious method is frequently used to exert control, erode confidence, and foster dependency in the victim. The presence of gaslighting complicates the decision to leave, as it injects doubt into the victim's perceptions and choices.
- Love Bombing: Covert narcissists frequently employ love bombing, inundating their partner with not only excessive affection and attention, but also through the act of crafting lengthy messages and letters. This inundation makes it challenging for the victim to discern the true nature of the relationship, as the narcissist strategically overwhelms them with declarations of love and admiration.
- Post-Breakup Defamation: Following a breakup, covert narcissists may resort to bad-mouthing their former partner, engaging in attempts to tarnish their reputation and manipulate the narrative to maintain control.
- Pity for the Narcissist: Victims might feel sorry for the narcissist, especially if the narcissist adopts a victim mentality post-breakup. This sympathy can hinder the victim’s ability to detach emotionally.
- Suicidal Threats: Covert narcissists may resort to making threats of self-harm or suicide as a manipulative tactic to prevent their partner from leaving, adding an additional layer of emotional turmoil to the breakup.
IV. Steps for Recovery:
Self-Awareness: Individuals need to reflect on patterns that led them to a relationship with a covert narcissist, understanding personal vulnerabilities.
Setting Boundaries: In the recovery process, it's crucial to establish clear boundaries and learn to assertively communicate needs and expectations. A significant aspect of this journey involves recognizing the importance of saying “no” and prioritizing oneself over the needs of the narcissist.
Building Self-Esteem: Victims must work on rebuilding a healthy self-esteem that may have been eroded during the relationship.
Educate Yourself: Learning about narcissistic traits helps in identifying warning signs and avoiding similar relationships in the future.
Seeking Support: Connecting with friends, family, or professionals is crucial for emotional support during the recovery process. Sharing your experiences and feelings with a supportive network can provide validation and comfort, helping you navigate the complexities of healing from a relationship with a covert narcissist.
Safety Concerns and Involving Law Enforcement: In instances involving threats, stalking, or safety concerns, it's imperative to consider the involvement of law enforcement. Seeking legal support can provide an additional layer of protection and ensure your safety during the recovery process. Your well-being is a priority, and involving the appropriate authorities can help address any potential dangers effectively.
Therapy or Counseling for Recovery: Engaging in therapy, including specialized approaches like NeuroCognitive Reprogramming and Time Line Therapy with an experienced practitioner, allows individuals to delve into past experiences, understand patterns, and develop effective strategies for making healthier relationship choices. These tailored therapeutic methods can provide a comprehensive framework for healing and personal growth, aiding in the recovery journey from a relationship with a covert narcissist.
Recovering from a relationship with a covert narcissist is a complex journey that involves self-reflection, setting boundaries, and seeking support. Understanding the dynamics of covert narcissism is crucial for navigating relationships consciously and building a resilient sense of self.
Choose You
“Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down, and as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your wellbeing a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful — you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.” Daniell Koepke
(Art: Painting by Malcolm Liepke)
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment
Fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment, is another attachment style identified in attachment theory. Individuals with fearful-avoidant attachment often experience conflicting desires for intimacy and independence, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining relationships. This attachment style is characterized by a combination of anxious and avoidant tendencies, and it can result from inconsistent or abusive caregiving in early childhood.
Symptoms of Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
Mixed Emotions Toward Relationships: Individuals with fearful-avoidant attachment may have conflicting emotions about relationships. They desire closeness and intimacy, but fear it at the same time. This ambivalence can result in a push-pull dynamic in relationships.
Difficulty Trusting Others: Trust is a significant challenge for those with fearful-avoidant attachment. They may have a fear of being hurt or rejected, leading to a reluctance to fully trust others with their emotions or vulnerabilities.
Avoidance of Intimacy: Fearful-avoidant individuals may avoid deep emotional connections and intimacy to protect themselves from potential hurt. They might keep others at a distance or have difficulties opening up emotionally.
Fear of Rejection and Abandonment: Similar to anxious attachment, there is a fear of rejection and abandonment in fearful-avoidant individuals. This fear can result in preemptive distancing or withdrawal to avoid the perceived pain of rejection.
Difficulty with Emotional Regulation: Managing emotions can be challenging for those with fearful-avoidant attachment. They may experience intense emotional highs and lows and struggle to regulate their feelings in a healthy way.
Fears Associated with Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
Fear of Intimacy: Fearful-avoidant individuals may fear emotional closeness and intimacy because it makes them vulnerable. This fear can lead to a reluctance to fully engage in relationships or a tendency to sabotage them.
Fear of Abandonment: Like anxious attachment, there is a fear of abandonment. However, in fearful-avoidant individuals, this fear may manifest as a desire for independence and avoidance of close relationships to prevent potential abandonment.
Fear of Trusting Others: Trust issues are common, and the fear of trusting others may stem from past experiences of inconsistent caregiving or trauma.
Healing for Fearful-Avoidant Attachment:
Therapy: Seeking therapy, particularly with a therapist experienced in attachment issues, can be crucial. NeuroCognitive Reprogramming, Time Line Therapy, NLP, and other therapeutic modalities can help individuals understand the root causes of their attachment patterns, address past traumas, and develop healthier relationship dynamics.
Building Self-Awareness: Developing self-awareness is essential in recognizing and understanding one's attachment patterns and how they impact relationships. This self-awareness can be a foundation for personal growth and change.
Gradual Exposure to Intimacy: Fearful-avoidant individuals may benefit from gradually exposing themselves to intimacy and vulnerability in relationships. This can involve taking small steps to build trust and emotional connection.
Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Similar to anxious attachment, practicing mindfulness and learning emotional regulation skills can help manage intense emotions and reduce impulsive behaviors in relationships.
Secure Base: Building a secure base within oneself is crucial. This involves developing a sense of self-worth and security independent of external validation, allowing for a more stable foundation in relationships.
It's important to note that healing from fearful-avoidant attachment is a process that takes time and commitment. Professional guidance and support can be instrumental in facilitating this healing journey.
#Healing #Therapy #Recovery #Help #AlternativeHealthcare #Miramichi #NewBrunswick #Office #Online
Anxious Attachment
Anxious attachment, also known as anxious-preoccupied attachment, is one of the attachment styles identified in attachment theory, a psychological framework that explores the dynamics of relationships, particularly the bond between infants and caregivers. This attachment style can persist into adulthood and affect romantic relationships and interactions with others. It's important to note that attachment styles are on a spectrum, and individuals may display characteristics of more than one style.
Symptoms of Anxious Attachment:
Fear of Abandonment: Individuals with anxious attachment often have a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or rejected by their partners. This fear can lead to clingy behavior and an excessive need for reassurance.
Excessive Need for Reassurance: Those with anxious attachment seek constant validation and reassurance from their partners. They may doubt their worth and worry that their partner will lose interest or find someone else.
Overthinking and Over-analyzing: Anxiously attached individuals tend to overthink and over-analyze their relationships. They may interpret neutral or ambiguous situations as signs of impending abandonment, leading to heightened anxiety.
Intense Emotional Reactions: Emotional reactions can be intense and quick to surface. Small disruptions or perceived threats to the relationship can trigger strong emotional responses such as anger, sadness, or anxiety.
Difficulty Trusting: Trust is often a significant issue for those with anxious attachment. They may have a hard time trusting that their partner truly cares for them, leading to ongoing doubts and insecurities.
Fears Associated with Anxious Attachment:
Fear of Rejection: Anxiously attached individuals fear rejection and may go to great lengths to avoid it. They may alter their behavior to please others, sacrificing their own needs.
Fear of Abandonment: The core fear is often the fear of being abandoned or left alone. This fear can lead to efforts to control the relationship dynamics or to be overly dependent on the partner.
Fear of Not Being Good Enough: There is a pervasive fear of not being good enough, lovable, or worthy of a secure and lasting relationship. This fear may stem from early experiences in childhood.
Healing for Anxious Attachment:
Self-Awareness: Recognizing and understanding the patterns of anxious attachment is a crucial first step. Developing self-awareness allows individuals to identify their triggers and understand the root causes of their fears.
Therapy: Working with a therapist, especially one trained in attachment-based therapy, can be highly beneficial. NeuroCognitive Reprogramming, Time Line Therapy, NLP, and other therapeutic modalities can help individuals challenge and change negative thought patterns.
Developing Secure Attachment: Building healthy relationships and cultivating a secure attachment style is a gradual process. This involves learning to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and develop a sense of self-worth independent of external validation.
Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Practices such as mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques can help individuals manage their intense emotions and reduce anxiety. These skills can contribute to more balanced and fulfilling relationships.
Communication Skills: Learning effective communication skills is essential. This includes expressing needs and concerns assertively, listening actively, and fostering open and honest dialogue with partners.
It's important to note that attachment styles are not fixed, and individuals can develop more secure attachments with time, self-reflection, and intentional effort to change unhealthy patterns. Seeking support from mental health professionals can provide valuable guidance and assistance in the healing process.
#Healing #Therapy #Recovery #Help #AlternativeHealthcare #Miramichi #NewBrunswick #Office #Online
Levels of Consciousness
Learning “Values Levels” was significant for me. This knowledge helps you understand yourself, other people, and society.
A client who added the Values Levels Add-on to her Adult Sessions Package said: “It’s amazing to evolve and I feel great about it, I understand myself and others more now.”
https://carolchristina.com/book-now
Reassessing your Values Levels every six months enhances growth.
Note from Client 😊
Working with Carol is the best investment to live a life you love. (Typical note from client.)
Child Screams at Bedtime?
Parents hire me to stop the nightly screaming by their kids. Or sometimes children need help to stop tantrums before daycare or school. Some families experience great distress because a child becomes frantic or scared or panicky.
Parents, contact me before you get to the end of your rope. Parents often say I am their last resort before medicating. Change the trajectory of your child’s life. You’ll be glad you did.
Ideally, the parent most triggered by the child, also benefits greatly by experiencing healing sessions as well.
